Thotyssey presents a column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
Gentlemen, we are in a crisis.
The title is just a hint of the problem, but it is a harsh reality that I’ve come to see in many. Starting with myself.
On the hard drive of my laptop and in the cloud, I have folders within folders that feature pics meant to get me off. The problem is that I hardly ever use them. Why? Because in this day and age, the typical male is reliant upon videos from others, instead of photos or even their own memories of seeing an attractive person to get himself off. And evidently, I have fallen into that trap.
I have often said publicly that my sex education started from me buying sex education books and while searching for photos to masturbate to within the book, I started reading the words over, under, and next to my target photo. In recent years, I have bought books meant to continue that, but I have not done it for quite some time. Nor do I masturbate to the fantasy of a hot guy I saw somewhere like I used to. I have come to realize that we are so bombarded with sexual videos from others that memories and photos are a lot less recognized as an immediate titillating go-to get off like they used to be.
As with a lot of things, I realize in this situation that I am caught between 2 timelines. I am in the middle of 2 generations where in the generation before mine, they relied more on photos and imagination. Meanwhile, the generation after mine is heavily reliant upon videos to incite acting on their horniness. Well, I miss my fantasies being triggered by photos and thoughts. But I also love good porn.
Part of what triggered me seeing the need for this article was because while writing my erotica series for Kiiroo, “Tales of a Male Straight Porn Actor’s Husband,” imagining the sex scenes while writing them made me need to take several masturbation breaks.
But this is where the aforementioned two timelines meet…
Because while there was no video to show me what I was writing; nor did I run to a video to masturbate, I instead masturbated to the one main male in straight porn who played in my mind the pornstar married to the storyteller, “Zen Massif”… Straight porn stud Oliver Flynn.
And FYI, if Oliver Flynn looks familiar from a gay porn, that is because (like a number of guys in straight porn) he did do some gay porn scenes before strictly doing straight porn. Hence why I don’t trust how “straight” males in straight porn are. Thereby making my erotica series more believable. But that’s another topic.
In this electronic age, we are dependent upon photos & videos easily accessible in our electronic devices. Males in my generation do not use books and magazines for masturbation material today as much as we did in our youth. So it is safe to conclude that the younger generation doesn’t use books or magazines practically at all. This has lessened the use of our imagination for masturbation. And if the ability to use our imagination for masturbation lessens, then it also means that we are failing at using our imagination for actual intercourse. The reason this has to be addressed is because loss of imagination means loss of creativity. And creativity is needed to keep the relationship sex feeling fresh, and not go stale. Staleness that makes some open relationships become a necessity, instead of just being a pleasurable option.
In addressing this issue, notice that I did not specifically say “gay males” or “gay porn.”
It is because this loss of imagination is affecting males of all sexual orientations. I know this because I see numerous male customers come into the sex shop that I work at looking for a type of product and telling me that they saw it in a porn video, or some webcam show. While I practice diplomacy there, I can be blunt here. So what I want to tell them is that they are being a follower to the sexual fulfillment of themselves and their partner(s). Instead of being the more respected pioneer. And that stands true whether that sex partner is for a night or for life.
All of this is needed to be said because statistically speaking, males are more prone to cheating. And I’m sure the ratio compared to females has probably increased because of the loss of imagination. For we males are more visually stimulated, thereby distracted from the good in front of us. So males chase after that visual prize, risking the spiritual prize that might already be present in their lives. While females are more likely to use their imagination of a guy they have admired the beauty of, either while masturbating, or during intercourse as a means to not cheat on their partner.
My video “Use Your Imagination” is a political porn. It has me masturbating while wearing a hood without eyes. Also, there is no sound besides my moans. It was to make my orgasm happen solely by using my imagination. No relying on a porn video, which is practically always the case in any male’s masturbation video. I instead relied on the memory of a photo of a guy showing my kink for hot guys wearing tops and no bottoms.
I hadn’t looked at that photo for days. Not even just before donning that eyeless hood.
My orgasm for that video was such a relief. Not only by the release of sexual tension. But because it meant that I had not destroyed the use of my imagination by falling prey to propaganda meant to make videos and live sex be one’s only triggers to seek a sexual release. And considering how much voyeurism has increased at sex parties/backrooms since the 2020 lockdown, for many that live sex is not the trigger to seek sexual release, but it is instead the sexual release. And nothing could be more indicative about the death of the sexual imagination than to be able-bodied, yet solely living vicariously through someone else’s sexual escapades.
With all that, I advise that we do less porn and less voyeurism to keep our minds less cluttered with others’ sexual behavior. So we can have the mind space to use our imagination and get creative. Thereby being better lovers. Be that love with a partner or not.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.