X-Rayed Sex: “8 Years Since Porn & A Better Beyond”

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By LeNair Xavier

A monthly column by Thotyssey’s favorite ex-pornstar and current sexpert.


8 YEARS.

On September 23, 2009, 8 years ago, I announced that I was officially retiring from the gay porn industry via a post on the blog that what was then titled “Tré’s X-Ray Vision”, but now called “L’s X-Ray Vision”. My announcement was met with some kindness of readers of my blog then wanting me to continue blogging (as I have), while others were glad to see me go. One going as far as trying to use the blog post title “R.I.P. Tre Xavier – Porn Actor” against me. You see, while the title was me bidding farewell to my porn identity and the mindset I had with that name, someone actually commented on TheSword, “Too bad it (my R.I.P.) is not for real.”

I remember the statement not because I was hurt by it. Far from it. I know any creature that would say such a thing is making a feeble attempt to project their own feelings of little self-worth onto me. And I overcame my low feeling of self-worth when I came out to myself in 2002, and refuse to let anyone make me go backwards. So I remember the statement because just as I was a fighter for better representation of not just gay males of color, but gay males in general, it was a sign of the hard road ahead as a predominately gay bisexual black male sex educator via my blog posts and discussion moderating.

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Many gay males while they won’t admit it, are already duped by the teachings of gay porn. Leading UNprogressive relationships in the process and wondering why things never work out for them. Or use substance abuse and sex to numb themselves to how things are not working out. And many of those using sex, are in so-called relationships. Thereby, giving open relationships a bad wrap.

If you think porn has not been your teacher, then I dare you to ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you prefer white/light males, yet have no history of personal trauma with medium to darker men of color that would cause you to find them unattractive?
  • Do you find Asian males less sexy without experiencing a personal trauma from one?
  • Do you fear sex with Black males because you believe they’re prone to physical aggression that is too much for your sexual taste?
  • Are you versatile, racially open, but when it comes to Black males, you are only willing to be their bottom?
  • When you look to be with a Black male, do you choose the black male who you suspect (or know) is an uber-aggressive dominator in bed over the Black who you suspect (or know) is more about passion and romance?

If you answered “Yes” to any of those questions, then gay porn has indeed been your teacher, and it is a teaching that out of respect for yourself, your partner, and your community, you need to seriously consider undoing.

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My attempts to undo this teaching by purposely marketing myself as a Black bottom in interracial sex was met with adversity by the racism of studios, porn blogs, and no help from porn actors. It exposed me to how true the stigma of them being selfish creatures really is. It was one of the main reasons I retired from the industry. And although they will never give me credit for it (due to their insecurity making them need to unjustly paint white males as saviors), they didn’t try taking my advice until the Recession caused
a major plummet in porn sales. So black males as bottoms became “their new idea.”

However, while you can take the man’s exhibitionism out of the porn industry, if the man is strong enough, you can’t take the exhibitionism out of the man. And the latter is where I am. So where does that leave me?

Well, with so much to say about my experiences, I went back to something I hadn’t done in quite awhile – poetry.

I vented my emotions and exposed the physical (and even more so emotional) dead end of the gay porn industry in a poetry series titled “The Industry”, and was blessed to present the poems with a Q & A after each poem in a night presented by Men of All Colors Together. The night ended with me satisfied for the release, even though it included a live verbal sparring between myself and Diesel Washington. Now, while it is said by some that Diesel Washington has addressed racism in the gay porn industry as well, so some felt we should come together. Well, that would never happen. For my issues with Diesel Washington were based on my never-ending disdain for both, hypocrisy and not practicing what you preach. And in Diesel Washington’s case,…

How can you talk about racism in the gay porn industry when the image you put in front of the camera further perpetuates the limiting image of black males?

The answer is YOU CAN’T.

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So now, I try to live by example. Take pride in my sexual likes and dislikes, own both my proper moves and fuck-ups, and try passing the knowledge I’ve amassed on to you. So 8 years out of the porn industry, that is where I’m headed. For including this blog, I write sex for 3 blogs now. The other 2 being my own, the aforementioned “L’s X-Ray Vision”, and for the sex toy company, Kiiroo.

With all that, do I ever think about coming out of retirement? All of the time. But for now, I’m letting my sexual escapades (public and private) inspire others to own their sexuality to however they see fit. Because my always seeing the big picture makes me stop myself from going back to the porn industry for a number of reasons.

In addition to the aforementioned selfishness of porn actors, the gay porn industry has more guys with profiles on prostitution websites than when I was doing studio-based porn. Now, considering how tolerated prostitution is in too much of the gay community, my dislike of the idea of being paired with a prostitute seems odd to many. It seems odd because they refuse to acknowledge the damage prostitution does to the psyche. Such as how my prostituting moments in gay porn where I was not at all attracted to my scene partner has resulted in occasional memory flashes during a pleasing sexual encounter. While they won’t admit it, I’m sure instances such as that are why many sex workers who do escorting abuse drugs, alcohol, and other substances. They do it as a means to
block out the memory flashes, or numb themselves to reacting to them. And the more excursions you have under your belt, the more “medication” you’re going to need.

For this anyone who asks me about my time in porn, I always say that it was a mistake, but it was a mistake I needed to make. And since multiplying 2 negatives equal a positive, my life’s present upward direction is what my time in porn has resulted in – a positive. And I thank you for your continued support of me on this journey.


LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues.  He has a blog called L’s X-Ray Vision, and can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.

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