A monthly column by Thotyssey’s favorite ex-pornstar and current sexpert.
“A femme in the streets, a butch in the sheets.”
I first heard this statement in reference to drag queens, and how they’re said to usually be tops.
While being a top should be of no significance to judging a male’s manhood, be he a drag queen or not, neither should being a bottom. Yet many even in the gay community with overcompensating machismo assume drag queens are a bunch of “girly” power bottoms. And along with the narrow-mindedness about a drag queen’s manhood, there’s also the stigma about a drag queen’s sex appeal,, and even more so a relationship. What makes
this a greater narrow-mindedness is how it sometimes come from guys who appear to be their greatest supporters.
Coming out at almost 31 years-old made me have the same preconceived notion about drag queens that too many males in general have. What’s sad is to see how many gay males who are younger than me–but their number of years outweigh the number of years before my turnaround–failing to see drag queens as being just as much of a sexual being as myself. And what’s even sadder is to see gay males who are my age, out longer than me, yet still harbor those negative preconceived notions.
I guess I overcame those negative notions because unlike most people, I self-reflect often. So when I come across an idea I’m curious about, have little to no firsthand knowledge of, and knowing the idea (whether it’s right or wrong) was taught to me, I throw myself into a presented situation to challenge that idea.
Such an incident happened a few years ago, during a bar night co-hosted by a drag queen who not in full drag. The queen grabbed me and took me into the bathroom. He pulled out his dick, and had me go down on him. I’m sure I was grabbed (and never resisted) because I couldn’t contain my amazement at how hot he was as a guy–like many drag queens are, actually. For there have been a number of contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race over the years that make me say, “Damn, why don’t I have his number?!”
Keep in mind that I’m not seeking out drag queens when my encounters with drag queens happen. I just simply have a good memory about the guys I’ve been with, and their creative skills. I have to mention that because since that introduction to a sexual encounter with a drag queen, I have had four known sexual encounters and make-out sessions with drag queens. I have been a top, a bottom, and the guy from the make-out session who was some degree versatile. And I have no qualms about being with those or any other drag queens again in any of those fashions.
The preconceived notions questioning a drag queen’s manhood and sex appeal is often fueled by the overcompensating male perspective that drag queens are ”unmanly“ because of what they do. Their feeling are likely based on the concept that since we came out as gay, being called “sissy” and told that we “act like a girl” before and since our coming out that we should stay away from all things that might be perceived as a step back to our progress.
Well, if you know my reputation, then you know that I’m all about flipping the bird to preconceived notions. Hence my taking on this topic. And I also have no issues with embracing past negativity if it makes me grow in some way. And the latter is what drag queens do. They take the idea of “acting like a girl”, flip the bird to oppressors, and make a great fan base with it. An act during a political climate that might make LGBT progress backpedal is a very brave and manly thing to do. So when I meet a drag queen I’m attracted to, knowing this adds to their sex appeal.
Furthermore, some of those opposed to drag queens and turn a blind eye to how they can have sex appeal do so believing that drag queens lessen their manhood by mocking women. Well, it would be unmanly if they mocked women. However, what I’ve actually seen are the guys paying homage to women out of admiration for them.
Now, if every drag queen did the former, then I could understand the negative stigma and criticism of the craft. But since that is not what I have witnessed with those I’ve spent time with, such judgments show the damage from making judgments when you’re on the outside with no inside information.
With that said, I suggest males with these issues against drag and the sex appeal of drag queens to check their own manhood, and what their definition of “manhood” entails. For it’s very likely their disdain for drag queens is them projecting some personal disdain onto them.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He has a blog called L’s X-Ray Vision, and can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.
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