By LeNair Xavier
Thotyssey presents a column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette. [Cover photo: Nadzeya Haroshka / Getty Images]
About 3.5 years ago, I wrote Sex Space Behavior Post-Lockdown. It examined the behavior I noticed in sexually permissive spaces after they reopened from the 2020 COVID lockdown.
One of the most troubling behavioral changes was the way guys huddled to watch others instead of finding their own playmate. And to make it worse, some of such voyeurs further overstaying their welcome by imposing themselves into the play situation they’re watching. It was as I said in another article citing this behavior, they may be physically out of the house, but mentally, they are still stuck at home watching porn wishing they could be in the middle of the action. However, in their social ineptitude, they refuse to acknowledge that they are in the real world. Thereby impose themselves in the middle of interactions they are not invited to.
When it comes to being watched, I understand. Even more so because you are in a space that permits multiple people to partake of sexual activity. With that said, if voyeurism is your thing, then stick to voyeurism to avoid disrespecting the play participants. As the word “voyeur” is derived from the French verb “voir”, which means “to see”. Nowhere in there does that give one permission to put their hands, mouth, dick, or ass in the mix. Nor does it give you a right to request that the top or bottom to leave their playmate and come to you.
If such an urge does comes over you, then that is the time that you need to take the energy radiating from the sex you are seeing and find a playmate that is solely yours. Much like what happened in my true erotic tale for Kiiroo, “The Risky Dark“, which takes place before the pandemic. Folks briefly touched on me and the (pre-porn top, now bottoming) porn performer I was bottoming for. But I was not annoyed because it was brief, and they took the sexual energy radiating from our Aries/Leo combo and went off to their own playmates.
That sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Then why do those days in such spaces seem to be becoming a thing of the past. Such as what happened in a recent incident I experienced.
There was a gorgeous Latin male walking around the bar in shorts. I was stripped down to my underwear as usual. The guy seemed to check me out quite a bit. However, with the combination of my shyness and uncertainty due to the racism & colorism in the gay community, I didn’t quickly reciprocate. In fact, it took quite a while. It took us by chance being in close proximity sitting on the same small sofa. We didn’t make eye contact, but my peripheral vision saw both him and him seeing me. And in response to the latter, he pulled down his shorts and started stroking his cock. I played coy at first, then our eyes met.
As he continued stroking, I reached over and grazed his thigh, which soon turned into a full-on stroke of it. To that, he reached over to my crotch, and I reached over to his began stroking his cock.
I soon got tired of stroking his cock, which by this point was semi-erect. It was my ego getting anxious to feel his cock swell to full erection in my mouth. So I slid over, got between his legs, dropped to my knees and went down on him.
As I was doing this, another Latin guy came and sat next to us. He said something to my playmate that I didn’t hear. But based on my playmate’s reply of, “I think he’s busy right now”, I figured this Latin guy wanted my playmate to pass me over to him. Which he did not, and I appreciated him for not imitating so many porn scenes that do pass a cocksucker around without the cocksucker’s consent. In fact, it made his cock that much tastier.
It getting tastier made me so good that my playmate asked me if I bottom. That question simultaneously shocked & pleased me. For I have had many non-black males use Blacks (like myself), as well as Asians, older, and heavyset guys as fluffers. But he was man enough to want to use his hard-on on the man whose oral prowess gave it to him. Me.
After, I told him I did bottom, he was kind enough to ask what position I wanted. I told him missionary. So that’s what we tried.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Because that same Latin guy never went away. He was holding my leg (as if I needed the help).
This is while hovering over my playmate who was trying to fuck me. This became such a distraction to my playmate that he could not stay hard. Which pissed me off royally because the few thrusts I got from his stroke game made it clear that when he’s into you, he can lay the pipe.
That story seemed as if it was going into hot territory, didn’t it? Well, I have witnessed a lot of encounters abruptly end that same way. Hence the necessity for this article.
And it’s not just me & others telling of these instances that needs to happen. It is also gay males taking ownership of their body & time with others. Putting creatures imposing upon either in their place about it. I can’t be one of the few taking a stand because I’m not such a stereotypical gay male needing my ego stroked to the point of tolerating attention from folks I don’t even want. For the tolerance of these intrusive guys is why some guys come to experience a cruising spot for the 1st time and never return.
So this is a sign of how gay males need to speak up. Always calmly, at first Otherwise, these spaces will become a thing of the past. And there are enough horror stories born from hook-up apps with no meeting in-between. So let’s start living more so by my credo:
MY BODY, MY CALL.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.
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