By LeNair Xavier
Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
While watching the HBO series, The Vow, one word in describing what the psychosis of Keith Raniere did to his followers stuck in my head.
That word was INDOCTRINATION.
At first, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that it is because what much of the gay male community does is done out of not individual thought. Instead, it is indoctrination.
A clear sign of this is how defensive and vicious many will become when you call out those indoctrinated thoughts. Yet, have not one shred of proof as to how their position is based on individual thought. Often taking a position of privilege and entitlement saying, “I don’t owe you an explanation” or “It just is, okay!”. Then huffing like a petulant spoiled brat. Meanwhile, if it really was an individual thought, based in true self-awareness, you actually could explain its root.
As gay males, they are many rules we are taught over time about what is the “correct” way to be a gay “man.” I put man in quotes because in the end, a lot of these rules do not contribute to the true depth that makes a male a man. And those are the rules that we know of.
However, there are rules that are quite unspoken. And the reason they are unspoken is because they are just so inherently wrong by their overt ostracizing of others and demeaning of oneself. With th end result being that they are ruining our sex lives. Such rules are:
WHITE/LIGHT IS THE ONLY SEXUAL BEAUTY & INTELLECT
I have long said that the racism in the gay community is much like Pre-Civil Rights Movement America. Even down to the rabid colorism. It can be seen in the staffing of gay nightlife establishments, gay porn, gay art, gay photography, gay theater, and gay cinema. For this reason, every one of these outlets in the gay community tells us to achieve whiteness or assimilate it. For white-on-white/light sex is treated as the norm.
This is why porn awards have a separate category for interracial scenes and movies featuring non-whites are classified as “ethnic”, instead of sex with people of all colors being seen as beautiful and under one umbrella. It is a means to subtly say, “white-on-white sex is normal; white-on-light sex gets a pass; but all other sex is just straight up abnormal.”
The side effect of this indoctrination is that many white/light males have come to expect and to some degree need to be watched during sex as a means to validate it. For in this Facebook post of mine, I was talking more so about gay white males and how they are put on a pedestal:
This is also evident by the so many with OnlyFans, JustForFans, etc. accounts as to how they need to stare into the camera. They are crying more for the approval of voyeurs when their focus should be solely on their sex partner(s).
Because of this, it is sad to say that the voyeur that I am now refuses to be a part of the football huddle watching white and light skinned guys fuck at sex parties/backrooms, while other combinations are treated as dismissible. For the porn industry and tube sites have held our eyes open like in “Clockwork Orange” to white/light guys fucking for so long that it is as if the rest of us don’t (or should not) exist. So realizing this had made seeing white and light-skinned guys fuck live at a sex party to now be boring overkill.
This has led to how while I normally do enjoy being a voyeur, I’m not going to waste my hard-earned money to watch a live display of that overkill. I instead will use my individual mind to seek out my own sexual encounters in the beautiful art form that it is. By it being born from individual hearts, minds, and souls. Beautiful by their lack of unjust bias.
Hence why I play voyeur to pairings that the porn industry has not indoctrinated us to participate in. Like sex involving an Asian top, or a Black bottom, or the 2 coming together like the encounter I mentioned in my very 1st TikTok video.
The greatest tragedy to come from these indoctrinations is that because they are indoctrinations, many of us don’t realize we have taken them on as rules. Especially if in one way or another we are underdeveloped, which is why gay males are so often preyed upon when they first come out.
So how did I free myself from these indoctrinations enough to give you this information? It’s because:
- by being a Black man in the gay community and the rules being based in racism and colorism, I see that many rules that seem like positives to white and light-complexioned people does not apply to me, and the reason I see that is because;
- I came out late. Before coming out, I made sure to be observant of the LGBTQ community so I could make my own rules of what kind of gay/bi man I wanted to be. The predatory ways of many gay powers that be from all outlets mentioned at the beginning of this article prevent many gay males from getting to that point of self-awareness.
The indoctrinations motivated by racism and colorism are so bad that much praised is owed to Jim Silvestri every month for giving the opportunity to write this column. For many gay outlets have treated the wise words of myself and other medium to dark-complexioned males if we’re crazy people standing alone on a hilltop talking to the wind with no one around for miles. Meanwhile, a white or light-skinned person says the same exact things, or complete opposing idiocy, then it suddenly becomes grounds for engaging conversation. And that idiocy being more so taken as gospel is why we as a community are so far behind in bettering ourselves.
So I hope this makes you take a moment alone, soul search, and see if you’ve been misled. And there is no shame to feel if you discover that you have been. I know because even with all of my planning of what type of gay/bi man I wanted to be, I have had such moments of wrongful backpedaling myself. So take that being misled as a common in life, but the learning from the mistake as a needed growth.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.