Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
It seems to the surprise of many that on March 31st, I will be turning 50 years old. I personally am quite proud of becoming this milestone age. However sadly, because of gay suicides and substance abuse within the gay community, the beauty and joy of getting older is something not talked about enough by the various forms of gay inspiration. Therefore, it is not treated as a goal to aspire to. At times it even seems that the often much-enabled substance abuse, allotted ridiculing when one does not partake of it, and shunning of well-maintained older men from various scenarios praising sex appeal are all means to prevent that getting older from happening.
Why am I such a force in praising getting older?
Because as I have spoken of often in my social media, I could have easily been one of those gay suicide statistics by not facing the truth of my dominating gayness. Once I faced the truth about myself, and felt such pride in myself for doing so, I refused to allow anyone to put me back in any form of hiding. Acting as if I don’t exist when I have just as much right as anyone else to not only be in the room. But to also be seen centerstage.
This does not mean that feel I should be a 50 year-old go-go boy for Daniel Nardicio or at The Cock post-pandemic. Even though when I did get a go-go boy gig, my stamina even when I was in my 40s outlasted those of the 20-somethings.
What I’m demanding is that my getting older should not mean that I be exiled to live vicariously through gays ages 18 – 25. Nor should it mean that a venue or party promoter creates an environment for those gays 18 – 25 to leech off of older guys like myself for drinks and money, and try ostracizing me for not tolerating it.
This future is one thing I’m sure many younger gay males secretly fear most about getting older. They see how easily disposed of older males are. Even by gay males a good deal over the age of 25 themselves. And being the socially acceptable skin color most praised by gay media, porn, and nightlife, white and light-complexioned males fear having to take that stand for themselves because it is foreign territory for them to demand recognition within the gay male community. Hence why many have tried silencing over the years in one way, or another.
Well, perhaps that is what has been the silver lining in the dark cloud over this country known as racism for me. So many instances of demanding being treated equally when what is treated as a flaw in my being is not one has suited me with the armor to endure this next battle. So as I continue to demand being seen as having equal sex appeal for my skin color, I now demand for my sex appeal to not be treated as if it is dead just because I’m getting older. Especially when I have maintained myself to look this fuckin’ good doing so.
A battle that I actually had to fight from the moment I came out in 2002.
If you have followed me long enough, then you know that I came out to myself just weeks before turning 31 years old in 2002. Yes, over 30. So in stereotypical gay years, I was dead before losing my virginity. I was a dead man dancing my ass off as a go-go boy. Then a dead man taking cock like champ in porn 3 years after coming out.
And let me take this moment to thank the late great Nashom Wooden at The Cock for those nights I actually got paid for dancing at The Cock. For he was a great help in assisting me in breaking that glass ceiling of ageism and racism in being a go-go boy in NYC.
Let me reiterate that this is not me trying to resurrect being a go-go boy. Not. At. All. This is just me saying as a recent baseball shirt I painted myself states:
In short, I have lived and plan on continuing to live a life as an out and proud predominately gay bisexual. With many beliefs, actions, outcomes and truths that contradict many theories we are taught to think about our gay male selves as we get older.
And I’m glad to use my exhibitionist spirit and poetry to further that point along.