X-Rayed Sex: “I Like Porn Viewers, But Can’t Stand Porn Fans”

By LeNair Xavier

Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.


The title quote is something I have said for years. It probably sounds odd to many since most think that they are one and the same. However, I have come to see that there is a difference. What might even seem odder is that I saw the difference during my days of doing studio-based porn. So I have been saying that quote since then.

What are the differences between the 2?

  • Porn Viewers
    A porn viewer is a voyeur looking for a connection. Looking for a visual to connect with so they don’t feel alone in their horniness. They might not necessarily agree with the narrative being portrayed, but at the end of it all, they do still see porn actors as human beings. They understand and respect credos such as the “MY BODY, MY CALL” credo I use for myself. Porn viewers don’t try to argue with a porn performer when the performer says they don’t want to do something. Especially when that something is counterproductive to the emotional, mental, and/or physical health of the performer.

    Also, in their seeing porn performers as human beings, when one passes, the value of a porn performer’s life is not based on his/her/their beauty. For a porn viewer, they have the humanity to have a sadness born by the loss of human life.
  • Porn Fans
    While like porn viewers, porn fans are also looking for a connection, they are actually way more problematic. For porn fans see porn actors as tools that they can live vicariously through, and not as people like porn viewers do. And by seeing porn performers as tools, porn fans then feel they can control you because they feel they own your body by buying your videos, knowing your filmography, subscribing to your fansite content page, and/or buying you things from your Amazon wishlist.

In seeing porn performers as tools and not people, you can easily spot the lacking humanity in a porn fan when a porn performer dies. For no matter which site posts the story of a pornstar’s death, it is the inhumanity of a porn fan that comments, “He/She/They were so beautiful. What a waste!”

While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, only someone socially inept makes it the sole value as to whether someone should be one of the living.

Anyone who has followed my blogging since during my studio-based porn days knows that I entered the porn industry with the intent of undoing the myth long instilled by the racist imagery of porn that black males don’t bottom when they are with non-black males. In response to one blog post I had written calling out the gay porn industry again on this matter, a regular reader who has commented on some of those past articles lost my respect by commenting, “Why don’t you just become a top?”

That was the response of a porn fan. It was the wake-up call showing me the difference between a porn viewer and a porn fan.

The thing about his response that proves this is how he completely ignored my sexual desires when my body is the means to make those desires a reality. He showed that he believed that because he is (supposedly) paying for it, that I owe him exactly what he wants to see. Even if it’s not something I want to do. And he wanted to see me top, and not complaint about why I didn’t want to. Even though it’s my body, my call.

So he wanted me to instead be his sex puppet, which complying with would have lessened my humanity. For at the basis of humanity comes respecting an individual’s power of choice. Especially choices avoiding mental and emotional harm. And especially when such harm can happen during sex. This former reader lacked that humanity.

With that said, porn fans are the ones who without conscious discomfort will watch porn videos in which the guy winces in pain taking dicks up his ass solely for the money. A porn viewer has the humanity to be bothered by this imagery. The inhumanity of porn fans is why such companies making such porn are still in business.

When I made that statement to myself about liking porn viewers over fans, I never anticipated how much porn viewers would prove me right to favor them. For when I announced my retirement from studio-based porn, I thought my porn following would travel with me. That turned out not being the case. My growing numbers of social media followers stalled. Then plummeted the more I overtly focused on sex education within my exhibitionism, instead of subtly doing education. So my present numbers of followers on social media is from me having to start all over again.

The people who stayed with me are the porn viewers. The ones who abandoned me are the porn fans. For the porn fans, my honesty about the industry combined with the lack of humanity in how they saw me made them act like a child when you threaten to take their toys away. Whining to the extent of soiling their man-baby diaper. And that’s fine. I am much happier appeasing porn viewers as it makes me a lot less likely to become another negative porn statistic.


LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.

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