Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
All parties involved in a sexual encounter should possess a sexual ego. And that ego naturally and rightfully demands credit for contributing to the other person’s orgasm and sexual satisfaction. This is why I am very much concerned with the psychological effects to all when a guy pulls out to cum.
Furthering this issue is how so many now have sex primarily for making fansite content but are following the studio-based porn routine of doing pull-outs. A routine that discredits the person who is being pulled out of. Here’s why…
Think of sex as a road trip. Told from the penetrating male’s perspective, he is the driver of the car. His semen is the car, while the ass, mouth, or pussy he is penetrating is the fuel needed to make that car get to its destination. That destination being the penetrating male’s ejaculation & orgasm.
With all that in mind, pulling out a cock as it nears orgasm and ejaculation is like a driver changing the type of fuel in the car in the middle of the trip…without even stopping the car. The problem comes with the fact that neither the car or its fuel is a living object. But the orifice that penis was pulled out of does belong to a living human being. Someone whose sexual ego you would be causing to take an unjustified hit.
The reason I’m talking about this from the penetrating male’s point of view is because his ejaculation and orgasm is what is most often cited as the conclusion of sex. Sadly, even in straight porn, directors and producers don’t care if the woman has an orgasm. She is just a tool for the male to achieve his orgasm. And in gay porn, you could probably get away with the bottom not shooting a load.
Unfortunately, porn and the constant dodging of responsibilities to ourselves and our sex partners has taught many to accept pulling out as “normal”. Regarding the latter, I’m talking about bottoms and straight females who will let you fuck them without a condom, but tell you to not cum inside them. Sure, you might lessen the risk of HIV, an STI, or pregnancy, but there is still a risk. However, you are denying your body its necessity to experience the joy of the sexual encounter’s completion. And if not catching anything (or anyone) is that important to you, then wear a condom.
Every gay male bottom and straight female wants the full credit of being the fuel that made the cum gush out of that penetrating male’s cock. Their conscious mind might accept partial credit, but our subconscious mind is more so following what nature intended for our bodies to do during sex of any kind. That is: For the mouth, vagina, and/or anus to milk the semen from the penis, and allow that to be where the semen is deposited. Therefore, pulling out for that deposit takes credit away from the orifice. For it might not be the same pleasure as flesh to flesh, but at least you can still give full credit to your partner for causing your orgasm.
The penetrating male may be the one who most consciously decides to pull out. However, that doesn’t change how subconsciously, he feels something missing as well. For while he consciously followed all those telling him pulling out was a great idea, the sub conscience ruling his body craves to stay to the very end in the orifice that gave him the pleasure bringing him to the edge of ejaculation and orgasm. If you think of cum as a river, it’s like a new river flowing its natural path, then just before it’s about to go over the beauty of a waterfall, it is suddenly stopped by an abruptly built dam. That dam is the pullout. Hence why in porn, many cumshots are edited to seem to be immediately after penetration when the guy actually has to jerk-off sometimes 30 minutes or more for that cumshot.
I’m sure many of my writings blame studio-based porn for many of these problematic moves a lot of people make with sex. Well sadly, no one has ever been able to prove me wrong. And more sadly is that pulling out is no different.
In a discussion with Ben Marksman (director of my movie, “All Out Assault”) some years ago, he pointed out the exact words as to why the penetrating male pulls out. He said, “It is to show that the sex happened.”
Of course, I know that. The stupidity of that tactic is that we already know that the sex is happening by us seeing the dick in the person’s hole. So to that I can add is that the porn director/producer want to show what they consider completion, which is the penetrating male’s cumshot. And since the invasiveness of cameras being put into every gay male bottom’s butt and straight female’s vagina has not come to fruition (thank goodness), the only way voyeurs get to see that perceived conclusion is by the penetrating male pulling out just before he ejaculates.
Money shows itself as an evil root in this because pull-outs in porn are done out of putting the lust of a paying voyeur, an outsider to the sex, first. Putting them ahead of the lust, physical, mental, and maybe even emotional needs of those who are actually having the sex. This allows voyeurs to think that just because they are paying to view the sex, they don’t have to still stay in their lane.
Well, they should.
For we as voyeurs may want to see the cum shoot out. However, be it for porn, or in private, the conscious acts of sex should be reserved for the those in the tryst. Porn producers need to start producing that, and fansite creators need to stop imitating the ignorance we’ve seen thus far.
Sadly, there aren’t many, but luckily there is one porn website whose videos do seem to be adopting the decency of not making a cumshot a necessity. It’s the straight porn website, SexArt.com. You see the guy show an orgasm face, but nowadays, not as many pull-outs. Nor do you see the female push out the cum either. If she does, that’s between those in the tryst.
And that’s how it should be.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.