X-Rayed Sex: “When I Masturbate”

*NSFW NSFW NSFW*

By LeNair Xavier

Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.


Growing up in a religious household, realizing there is nothing wrong with masturbation is a conclusion I had to come to on my own. Perhaps the sanity I’ve accomplished by going against that upbringing is why I take such joy in inciting that joy in others.

One day I decided to further my message is through poetry. So I wrote a poem about my joy in masturbation and what I alleviate guilt over by doing so. I debuted the poem at an erotic open mic event called Titillating Tongues, which is where the audio in the video is from.

Of all the stanzas, I knew the 6th stanza was going to rub many people a certain way. The reason I included it was to continue lessening the guilt over who we masturbate over. For we all feel lust for someone who for one reason or another is unworthy of us, or simply tells themselves that we are not worthy of them. And like love, lust does not just disappear because of that revelation. So I see nothing wrong with masturbating over such a person while you are weening yourself off the thought of you ever hooking up with them.

For me, such a scenario often happens because I discover the person is a sexual racist. One in which a non-black person and myself exchange glances in which I’m given me a look of adoration. However, it is only for a split second on his end because the programming he was taught to “not be into blacks” kicks in. So he turns either his eyes or his head in an awkward direction, or looks straight ahead like a robot to avoid more eye contact.

Another just as common scenario inspiring that stanza is how often a white male will use a Black, Asian, or medium to dark Middle Easterner as a fluffer, but use the hard-on created by them to acquire his actual sexual conquest – another white male, or a light-skinned Latino, gay media’s chosen person of color.

In any case, with race relations being the hot-button topic it is in this country right now, even though that audience was mostly straight (but obviously appreciative of my talents), I don’t blame the audience for their reaction during my reading of that stanza. But as you can hear, I did win them back by the end. For no matter who inspires your masturbation session, as long as you draw a sane line of who should be pursued in reality, you should feel no shame over it.

And why my usual means of masturbation is a stroke of my dick like most males, even when I’m having my usual bottoming fantasy, all of the sex toys displayed in the video are toys I have used and recommend when I get in a toy-playing mood.

When I Masturbate

Wanting what I can’t have
Because of timing and circumstance
Lust triggers spots on my body
To do a tingling dance
I need to relieve this sexual tension
So I escape to fantasy
Readying my hands and toys
Plus the most important key

That key is my imagination
A freedom born of my mind
Screwing anywhere on the globe
And orgasming multiple times

I can dream that every night
It’s my body that brings him bliss
I can dream we joined in hot sex
I can dream it ends with a goodnight kiss
I can dream he is right beside me
Even though he is far away
I can dream I put it on him
So good that it makes him stay
I can dream that he’s not married
I can dream that he’s not straight
I can oppose so many realities
When I masturbate

Upon initial sighting
I stripped him naked in my mind
Then a few instances passed
To show me that he is far from kind
But the fantasies won’t cease
My parts still twitch and get moist
It’s like he fondles them through telekinesis
Making me have no choice

At first I hated myself
For letting a new enemy still incite my lust
But I forgave myself when I realized
I’ll get over it if a nut gets to bust

So I can dream that he’s not a racist
I can dream that he’s not a prick
I can dream I milked his wrong views right
By taking in his stick
Or I can dream I’ve touched his cakes
I can dream I filled them with cream
And what he has missed by denying those of my shade
Is a truth that’s finally seen
The same titillation is seen in his eyes
But it is covered by taught hate
So I’ll dream a cure is not too late
When I masturbate

Some try to make you ashamed
For pleasuring yourself
It’s better than built up bad tension
Taken out on someone else
But contradicting realities
Is one of the great beauties of fantasy
As long as you don’t blur the lines
Then start losing your sanity
After the orgasm, stay mindful of his truth
Is he worth ridicule or adoration
For partaking of masturbation
Can be as calming as meditation

So let me dream he’s my hungry bottom
Even though in reality he’s a total top
With an ass so sweet and juicy
It’s a dream that just won’t stop
Then I can dream that he has rhythm
I can dream he knows how to move
Even though I’ve seen him dance in reality
And he is nowhere near that smooth

So I can dream he’s good when he’s bad
I can dream he’s bad when he’s good
As long as the fantasy brings forth a high
That the reality of him could
Let me wait for time alone
Not wait for a twist of fate
For there’s no undoing what is meant to be
Whether I penetrate
Or stroke it late
Whatever time
I masturbate


LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on FacebookTumblrTwitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.

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