By LeNair Xavier
Thotyssey presents a column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette. [Cover photo: Nadzeya Haroshka / Getty Images]
After a recent HIV/STI check-up, I got my results the next day. When I looked to see the state of my HIV, I was prepared to see the usual <20 copies/mL, which I did. And for those who might not know, <20 copies/mL for an HIV+ person is undetectable. But while I saw the <20 copies/mL as expected, I also saw highlighted in yellow, the word “Abnormal“. In fact, this is a screenshot of my results from MyChart.org:
Now, I am totally aware of the fine print next to the word “NOTE”. However, it does not change how after the “<20 D” I am used to seeing, it was jarring to see the yellow-highlighted word I have never seen next my undetectable numbers before, Abnormal. I’m sure you don’t know Batman is one of my favorite superheroes. Well, like Batman, this finding immediately sent me into detective mode.
I looked at a link to the right that shows you all the trends for that particular result. When I clicked on it, it listed the results from my past 5 visits. Looking under the column for “Normal Range”, I noticed that the earliest 3 results showed <20 copies/mL as the normal range. However, with this most recent visit and the one prior in May 2025, it stated the normal range to be “Not detected copies/mL”.
So why the change in wording for what “Normal range” is? Well, something made me take note of the when. The when the change happened is this year. And what happened this year?…
A new Secretary of Health & Human Services came into power, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. Someone who has had numerous harmful theories that have no scientific proof to back them up. Including trying to form a correlation between the use of poppers and HIV infection. Even I, who is a longtime advocate against poppers don’t buy into that one. So to me, this new wording of what the normal range for HIV detection has his name written all over it. But to not be irresponsible in my calling this out. I did consult my primary care provider about the wording in my results and this is what was said in response:
While I very much appreciate my PCP getting back to me so soon, I have issues with this response. Because:
- Why is the lab reporting anything “Not Detected” as “Abnormal” when it was not doing so before? My past results with <20 copies/mL do not have a highlighted “Abnormal” next to them;
- Yes, the science and clinical guidelines around “undetectable = untransmittable” remain the same. But our present Secretary of Health & Human Services has shown that he does not make his decisions based on proven science. So I doubt a reputable clinical entity (like the one I go to) would not have known that suddenly putting a highlighted word of “Abnormal” on a patient’s repeated good results would cause them anxiety. So any medical space causing that anxiety is doing so because of new rules made by an incompetent higher power. And what better word than “incompetent” describe the likes of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. in such a position of power.
The reason I felt this article was necessary is because of how I felt when I saw that word “Abnormal” on my results. Imagine feeling initially psyched by an undetectable reading, especially after missing at least one dose like I did, then right next to reading those good numbers for yourself, you see the word “Abnormal”. It is a wording that can take an HIV+ person back to the low feeling of when they first got diagnosed. And a gay HIV+ person even further back. For them, it could take them back to how badly they might have felt about themselves before their coming out. In short, in spite of the amount being determined as undetectable, that word next to that “less than 20 copies/mL” can make the person themselves feel like “less than”.
I was able to bounce back from that shock because I immediately did my research of the trends with my test results. As a 54 year-old Black homo-romantic bisexual man that has been HIV+ for nearly 18 years, I have age and adversity-imposed resilience on my side to give me that push. Not everyone can gain back their composure and/or have the tech savvy necessary to do that.
And I have always been someone who gets pissed off not only because of how certain actions effect me, but because of the harm that action can do to someone who cannot bounce back the way I can. For I’m imagining a 20-something who within the past year or 2 was diagnosed with HIV and put on medication. Seeing a sudden change of their undetectable reading having the highlighted word of “Abnormal” in their results could be initially scary. To the point of making one question their own worth.
Well, I refuse to take the bait. I overcame that initial questioning of my worth after being diagnosed with HIV back in October 2007, even with my eccentricities, to be seen as normal to myself and exude that normality in my aura. And I am not going back. Nor will I let anyone go back, if I can help it. Hence the necessity for this article and why the sooner this administration leaves office, the better. For this is a sign of how much they are causing too much unnecessary havoc.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.
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