By LeNair Xavier
Thotyssey presents a column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
The title was not a misprint or misspelling. In the great words of Nene Leakes, “I said what I said!”
Gay males most definitely need to talk about Kegels. And it is way more important a discussion than what the best brand of poppers are and who has the biggest 🍆 to use those poppers with. In fact, chasing that combo of poppers and large penises is what makes that discussion so necessary.
But first, for those not in the know, let me tell you what Kegels are.
Kegels are exercises to help increase the strength of your pelvic floor muscles. They are simply done by focusing on the muscles you use to stop urination or refrain from letting out gas. Hold those muscles for 5 – 10 seconds, then release. Do between 10 – 20 repetitions of this, and then you’re good.
I personally try to do them daily and I have felt the results. Such as better ejaculatory control, better control over both urination and defecation. And for benefits as a bottom, let the following story be proof of that.
Sometime last year, I hooked up with a guy in a cruising bar. We had sex in the back area. As much as we obviously liked it, we had no plans to go to one of our homes for another go-around. So our starting to walk the same route after we left the bar was totally by chance. During which we chatted even more, and I asked him how old he was. Telling this story months after has led my memory to no longer remember his exact age but instead recall his age as being an even number in the mid-thirties. So he either said 34 or 36. To that I confessed to my being 53 at the time.
And to that, his response with a tone of astonishment was,… “Well, you don’t feel like 53.”
It might seem odd that I had a love / hate relationship with that compliment. Loved what it said about what my body did for him. But I hated what it said about many older gay males.
What I loved about it was of course, he was saying I had a tight hole, which he moaned compliments about while fucking me. What I hated about it was that it meant that he had probably been with other guys with the same age difference or higher and they felt nowhere near as tight. I know because I have had the same problem with topping guys my own age. What makes that claim even worse is that this lack of tightness is a problem I am experiencing now with guys who are in their 20s. They are porn-educated, therefore disgustingly uneducated size-queens who are clueless about anal care before, during, and after sex. So if they don’t get the proper sex education soon, their future will look much like the tale a customer told me while I tried assisting him at The Pleasure Chest.
An older male customer came in looking about my age, maybe older. He was looking for a butt plug with a big base. After looking at several plugs, and him passing on them, one butt plug that was on discount caught my eye. I directed him to a medium-sized Tantus Severin Soft.
The maximum diameter on that plug is 2”(5.08 cm). His immediate response was…
“Oh, I had that one before. It went so far inside me I had to go to the E.R.”
In maintaining my professional demeanor as best as I could, I simply told him that was the best I could do. Because what I wanted to say was, “What the fuck have you done to your body??? To the point that you can’t safely take in THAT???!!! WTF!!!”
Tales like that of that customer is why if you follow me on X or BlueSky, when I speak of a sexual escapade of mine, I often talk about Kegels. Especially if I was a bit of a slut and got complimented on my hole’s tightness by more than one of my topping playmates. I tell it to inspire every guy that bottoms to want that same praise for themselves and do the easy task it takes to get it.
With that said, do not fall for these tops claiming they want a gaping hole. The reason some tops claim to like a gaping hole do so to because it allows them to be a lazy top at the bottom’s expense. You see, if your hole is loose, a top does not have to be but so hard to get in you.
Which brings us as to why bottoming guys with loose holes who have not done Kegels are practically always size-queens. It is not because bigger is actually better. It is because bigger is the only way such a bottom can feel sensation. I hope this realization can put those tops insecure about the girth of their penis at ease.
None of what is said here is meant to shame. My being vers but preferring to bottom has always made me able to see both sides of a sexual encounter from firsthand experience but note how often those who bottom are coerced to endure the most ongoing emotional, mental, and physical damage. All in doing like the straight community, to please the penetrating male. So this is instead meant to enlighten and encourage.
Encourage us, be you bottom, top, or vers, to take a step back and ask ourselves these 4 questions of our sexual encounters:
- Who are you trying to please?
- At whose expense is your actions coming at?
- Is that person(s) worth it? And;
- What are the long-term effects of that action(s)?
For many males are morphing into porn-endorsed physical attributes that lessen pleasure and do bodily harm. If not now, then definitely down the line. So let’s prevent that from happening. For I don’t want to be that aforementioned customer. Nor do I want any of you to be him before you even turn 30. .
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.
Thotyssey 