By LeNair Xavier
Thotyssey presents a column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette. [Cover image: Henry Scott Tuke “The Critics” 1927 Courtesy of Leamington Spa Art Gallery & Museum (Warwick District Council) [Cover photo: gaytravel4u.com]
Lately on X and BlueSky, I have been noticing more and more gay males referring to their anus as a “pussy”. I briefly addressed my feeling on this on my X page and whether or not I was okay with it. But I decided that I would go deeper on the matter here.
Years ago, I used to blog for the ethnic porn company Pitbull Productions. One of the articles I wrote was about when I would accept having my butthole referred to as a slang term for a vagina. More graphically correct, referring to my ass as a “pussy”. I have no copy of that article, but I recall my mindset back then.
Back then, I said the only way I would accept such a reference when I bottom is if my top was a guy who had lived a straight life and was beginning the journey to exploring whether he was really gay or bisexual. With his referring to my ass as a pussy being a temporary language with me to wean him off of what he has used in his straight sexual encounters. Instead of demanding he go cold turkey in shutting out all of his straight memories. Since then, my view has changed.
My viewpoint started to change by my watching straight porn. For in my homoromantic bisexuality, my viewing has always been about the guy. Having masturbation fantasies in which I was wishing the woman’s pussy was my butthole. This made me start teaching myself how, at least during sex, to put aside the teachings from my religious upbringing of a vagina’s purpose.
So I taught myself to see a vagina as a pleasure center.
Also, when done right, I began seeing a vagina as a means of empowerment when entered that makes her power be revealed as equal to (or greater than) the initially perceived greater power of the penetrating male. Realizing that gay male bottoms faced that same perceived lesser power by being the one entered made the term “pussy” be less gender specific. Plus, during gay sex, the word “pussy” is not used when discussing such powerful uniqueness of a female’s vagina like childbirth. Coming to these conclusions made me not only accept guys referring to their ass as a “pussy”. But eventually, I came to do it myself.
Such as I was recently in an encounter with a gay male. He was not bisexual as far as I know. I straddled him. Riding him like I was on a bucking bronco. In the midst of his moans he said, “Do I feel good in that pussy, Baby?”
In response, as I kept bouncing and grinding, I moaned, “Yes, Baby. Keep pleasing my pussy!”
Of course, during sex there is plenty we will say in dirty talk that we might regret later. Feeling it is too out of character for us. Sometimes seeing it as a sign of depravity. Thereby inciting shame.
THIS was not such a time. I felt no shame about what I said then or now. For I lost not a single bit of manhood by saying it.
One of the things that made me hesitant to referring to my butthole as a pussy was out of respect for females, letting the aforementioned power be solely for females since so many cultures treat females are a lesser power. The shift for me began with going deeper on that point.
For in so many cultures, so many terminologies displaying power are based in masculinity. So a male that has anal sex calling his butthole a pussy is one finally making a terminology of power being based in femininity for a change.
For some stuck in the macho mindset, let me make it clear that a male referring to his ass as a pussy is not him emasculating himself. It also does not necessarily mean he wants to be a female. Nor does it necessarily mean that he is considering being transgender. And in instances that it does mean that, if a male calling his butthole a pussy is how he eases himself into the life, that’s fine.
In the end, can we really judge how one refers to their sexual anatomy? Especially for dirty talk. For most of us have no idea where the slang words we presently use for genitalia originated. I certainly don’t. I’m just turned on by most of them because I’m that much of the version of word-perv that I put in the Urban Dictionary.
With that said, I am all for evolving and opening our minds to new terminologies. And if we don’t understand them, take a moment. Pause and either take time out to think about it on your own, or better yet, ask someone if you have questions. Because I am sure that males referring to their buttholes as pussies is one such example of a conversation needed to be had.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.
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