By Scotty Em
photos by : SuiteBePhotography
GoGo Stephen has a big butt and an even bigger personality. I sat down the “cake boss” to talk all things nightlife, and to get a little more insight on the boy on the box. I’ve had the fortune of calling him a friend a colleague for years now, but there were things that even surprised me. Stephen’s bravery and honesty will help so many people as he embarks on a new chapter in his life. I hope you enjoy this sneak peak.
So what people might not know about you is that you were a political science major, and worked a great deal in that field before coming to NYC. Can you tell me about your time working in politics?
I was very involved in politics through college and up until the last year or so. I sat on the board of directors for the Oregon Student Association and the United States Student Association. I helped write legislation for student aid reform and immigration reform. I was a student liaison to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee and was recognized by President Obama as one of the most politically active students in the United States. I lobbied local and federal legislators on issues like student aid, immigration, sexual assault, minimum wage, international trade and finance, LGBT rights, and so on.
I also worked as a fundraising director for the Human Rights Campaign and Environment Arizona. I worked on John McCain’s Presidential campaign, and I also ran for my local city council. I interned for a Political PR firm where I had the opportunity to work for the AIDS Drug Assistance Program, Muscular Distrophy Association, Do Something.org and several others. I’ve also worked with organizations like 1in6.org to tell my story of surviving sexual abuse, and was a part of a documentary on male survivors.
May I also ask what made you leave what seemed like a promising career in politics?
I didn’t leave politics, I still work in the industry, but more on a freelance level right now. I want to re-target
my focus in politics
towards sexual abuse and bullying. I plan on diving right back in as soon as I finish writing my books.
What your thoughts are on the country’s current state?
As far as our current political state, I am completely disgusted and terrified–not because Donald Trump is president, but because we had the worst two options as presidential candidates in American history. I believe no matter the outcome of this election, we would be screwed.
The next four years are going to be a very bumpy ride, and I’m not sure how we’re going to make it. but I do know that because Trump is president, the gay community is going to finally come together in a more powerful and meaningful way, and were not going to fall back into our comfortable, static ways. The gay community has started to become very segregated, and we have stopped being a community that supports each other. I think this election has opened our eyes, and I hope that means we start to support each other more.
I agree whole-heartedly in regards to our community. What do you think we could do to bring the community together? How do we begin to build each other up instead of tearing others down?
We could start by supporting local gay-owned and operated businesses (restaurants, bars, clothing stores, Broadway shows and so on), and businesses that openly support our community. We have too many local stores shutting down and closing their doors.
I agree, with that said I personally hope to see a store geared towards our community that is diverse and doesn’t generalize and sexualize us. I feel like stores of the past have sold underwear, sex toys and tank tops. Like that’s all we are.
You mentioned that you are writing a book. Can you tell me what it’s about ?
I am writing a three part novel series called The Race. It’s based on my life story: sexual abuse, coming out, being bullied, family issues, the good, the bad, the success and the failures. The three part series is a tell-all of who I am and how I’ve gotten to be who I am.
The official summary that will be printed on the book is as follows:
The Race is a story of one man’s triumph over sexual abuse and bullying, striving to find his own sexual identity. Growing up in an ultra-conservative, religious family, Stephen aimed to” pray the gay away” before anyone could find out his secret. Stephen’s life became a constant battle, up to the point where he couldn’t hold on any longer. A failed suicide attempt finally put life into perspective, and Stephen came out, not just as a gay man but as a survivor of sexual abuse.
A week in the hospital with too much time to think, resulted in flashbacks that plunged him back into his nightmarish childhood and adolescence. What began as Stephen’s attempt to exorcise his demons, ended up being a story of hope for others who have also suffered sexual abuse.
His message? No matter how much you stumble coming off the starting blocks, you can still win the race.“
How far along are you in the writing process?
Book One should be published by mid December. Book two is more than half way written and need to go through the beta reader process and editing once the writing is finished and book three is outlined but still needs to be written.
What an exciting and important time in your life. I think that it will do a lot of good for not only the younger audience but also for survivors like myself to find solace in your story.
As a survivor of sexual abuse …is there something liberating about being a dancer and putting your sexuality out there like that? Some might think it could be the opposite.
In all honesty, I owe my self-confidence to dancing. Growing up, I was so ashamed of myself. I hated how I looked, I would look in the mirror and cry because I had this mindset that I was being abused over and over because of the way I looked. So I hated myself and everything about me. I didn’t take my shirt off in front of anyone–not family not friends–no one. I changed in the bathroom stalls when I was in the locker room getting ready for physical education classes, or for track practice or competitions. I even swam in my shirt.
The first time I ever took my shirt off in front of anyone was the first day ever stepping on a gogo box nine years ago. Gogo dancing has taught me how to love myself and appreciate my body–for me, not for anyone else. It has allowed me to have this newfound confidence that I used to not have.
I find that dancing puts me in control. If someone touches inappropriately, I have the power to kick them out. If someone becomes aggressive I have the power to put them in their place.
Dancing for me is not about showing off my body, or putting my "sexuality out there.” I simply just love to dance. I just happen to do it in my underwear. If you go out and watch me dancing, you will see on my face in my body language that I am just having fun.
Your positive energy is infectious when you dance; that I can certainly attest to. Switching gears a bit, tell me what’s been the most fun you’ve had being on the “box.” Is there a specific night that stays with you more then others?
There are so many too choose from… nine years worth. I could say that very first night being so terrified and nervous, I often look back on that night to see how far I’ve come.
I used to look in the mirror and cry; now I look in the mirror and laugh at the fact that I ever cried. I used to not take my shirt off; now, it’s rare to see me with one on. I used to hate the way I look; now, I love my body and I love the way I look.
I used to hate myself, and used to be so ashamed of who I am and not I am so in love with who I have become and the work I’ve done and the lives I’ve touched.
I’ve done a complete turn around and looking back on that very first night keeps me humble, grateful, and incredibly happy.
If you could give advice to someone maybe stepping on that box, or into nightlife for the very first time, what would it be?
Don’t get sucked into the drama of nightlife. Be true to yourself, be honest. Actually dance, don’t just stand there. And don’t fucking be late for your sets!
Britney Spears’ “Slumber Party” featuring Tinashe just came out this week If you could have a slumber party with one other nightlife personality, who would it be and why?
I get to have a slumber party with the greatest people in nightlife all of the time! We have traveled to Puerto Vallarta together, we are in New Orleans three times a year together, and we used to be roommates: Seth Fornea, Jared Bradford and David Emmanuel. They are huge parts of my life.
But if you meant “slumber party” like naughty and not like gossip and pillow fights, then my ultimate night life crush is Eliad Cohen from Papa Party! Girl, what I would do to be naked with him!
Seeing as you are busy working in nightlife and writing these books…does Stephen have any time for romance?
I do have time for romance, but it doesn’t seem like the NYC boys have the ability or capacity for anything other than sex.
What do you look for in a partner?
I look for someone who is honest, kind, genuine, true to themselves, communicates well. Someone who likes to go out dancing, who has a good personality, who is willing to take chances. Someone who takes care of their body and is health-conscious.
I’m a simple guy. I don’t need extravagant things. I just need someone who is real, who won’t run when things get hard or when they get scared. Romance is so easy, but NY boys make it so difficult.
You hear that boys? Get a watch! Scrolling through your social media, you do a lot of photo shoots …is there something you’d still like to do, or a specific person you’d like to work with?
I love doing photoshoots that are artistic and tell a story. I love taking photos that have meaning. I really love working with a few photographers for different reasons. Michael Craft, because the shoots are fun and comedic; they have purpose and are creative. Edwin Pabon: his work is sensual and artistic–the art tells more of a story of sexual and not sexual. Tate Tullier: his work is phenomenal, and takes ordinary things, throws in a model and makes that ordinary piece an extraordinary piece of art. Kevin Hoover takes sexuality and turns it into art work you would hide from your mother–it’s naughty yet tasteful. Stone Creek City photography takes everyday life and turns it into a story of a man in his natural habitat living day today and the art is incredible.
[photo credit: Stephen Mark Land]
You recently posted a photo of you practically drowning in underwear. With so many different designers, you’re like a connoisseur. Any plans of designing your own?
Yes actually, I am working with a designer on a line called #TipABitch clothing. I should have my first set of samples in the next few days.
How exciting! Tell me more. Tell me more.
Everything will be super campy and fun, like me! Everything from underwear to t-shirts to coffee mugs. I gave my ideas to the designer in words, since I can not draw at all! I asked not to see the designs, as first I want to see the first set on actual materials so that I can see if the designer I’m working with can envision what I’m seeing in my head through my words. So we are in trial-and-error phases now, but I’m excited about it.
That’s amazing! Can’t wait to get my first pair! At what gigs can NYC currently see you in your underwear?
I’ve been traveling a lot… but if I am in NYC you can catch me on:
- Mondays once a month at The Cock
- Tuesdays once a month at The Cock
- Thursdays at G Lounge for Seth Fornea’s HOUSE
- Fridays at Vodka Soda Bottoms Up
- Saturdays at Vodka Soda Bottoms Up
- Sundays at Pieces for Spunk Party
Speaking of travel …what’s one of the most beautiful places you’ve traveled to?
Traveled to for fun: Queensland, Australia. For work: Montreal, Canada
Thanksgiving is this week …what are you thankful for?
I am thankful for a lot. I have friends, real true friends who care about me and support me through everything. I have a family who is incredibly loving, and finally starting to realize I am who I am. I’m thankful for life, health, strength and happiness.
I live life as the most honest and true version of myself, and I live without regret. No matter how hard life has been in the past, it will always just be my past. I am so thankful for how far I have come, and how much I have achieved.
Well said. With Thanksgiving also comes a lot of food. So I have to ask the Cake Boss: what’s your favorite cake?
Favorite cake is, and always will be, carrot cake and cheesecake. Favorite pie is pecan.
When you’re not working or dancing, what’s something fun that you like to do?
I like to go for walks around the city or parks, I like to go to museums and historic places, I like to sing, and I love to cook.
We’ve talked a lot about your past, but what about your future? What’s next for you ?
Well, the books are coming, which will in hopes bring speaking opportunities. I would love to travel and tell my story, and help others who have suffered sexual abuse.
Thank you, Stephen!
Photoshoot Producer: Scotty Em.
Location: Atlas Social Club
Thotyssey 