WARNING: NSFW! Thotyssey presents a bi-monthly column by LeNair Xavier, a writer/poet who has worked in many levels of the sex industry, and has a lot to say about the social politics of sex, porn and sexual etiquette.
I have long said that the gay male community can all too often be its own worst enemy. Because while anti-gays and homophobes ostracize us for one thing or another that is idiotic, the gay male community can do the same, then go above and beyond by acting like they live in a storyline from Mean Girls. Ostracizing each other over even dumber assumptions than the homophobes.
Such as the assumption that a male wearing a crop top signifies less masculinity. Therefore, meaning that the wearer must a big ol’ power-bottom.
If you’ve seen enough pics of me, then you know that I love my crop tops. And if you’re read enough of my articles and social media posts, then you know that I’m versatile. In fact, to further disprove that idiocy, thinking back on it, I have actually topped more while wearing a crop top than I have bottomed in one. So I take a bit of a personal offense to this prejudice.
It is a prejudice that is so foolish that I couldn’t believe it was real. That the typical gay male came in contact with and held onto yet another asinine assumption about their fellow gay male to ostracize him even more than before he came out.
For argument’s sake, let’s say that wearing a crop top did mean you’re a total bottom. How does being a bottom make one less masculine??? Such people have no idea how much “manly” strength it takes to take cock up the ass. Be it small or big?! Even more credit of strength goes to a bottom whose bottoming regimen is (or like) my L.D.T.R.B. anal sex regimen.
Such narrow-mindedness can be quite annoying. Even more so when sexpectations based on color/ethnicity come into the mix.
Like how one night at a gay bar, it was an underwear night and I was wearing a Petit Q harness that some might consider a crop top. This white guy was about a 6-foot diagonal away from me. His eyes and mine met and locked. He then started scanning me from my eyes, working down my face, and neck. With the level of lust in his eyes going up and his eyes continued down, he then went to my chest. However, when his scan got down to the my nipples, he abruptly stopped. With a look on his face like the world was crumbling down around him.
The second he stopped, the location on me made it clear that it was because of the top I was wearing. He saw a crop top, which to him said “bottom”, and he wanted me to be his latest “black top with a big black cock“.
My assessment of his racist intent is because I have exchanged glances with this guy before. What I now see is that I was lucky how nothing came of it, but this was the closest it ever came to going beyond stares. I was in no hurry because often after those past exchanges, he would do like a number of non-blacks. In a backroom (or bathroom) hook-up, he would be versatile with another non-black, but only bottom with a black guy. And each time, that black guy imitating porn by being the super-aggressive black guy using sex to punish a white body for fetishizing him.
This expectation disturbs me because thanks to gay porn, it is already assumed by practically every non-black in the room that because I’m black, I must possess one of those ever-so-fetishized BBCs (Big Black Cock). ALSO because I’m black, it is assumed that I must be intending to use that big black cock to fuck a non-black hole into painful oblivion.
I guess I blew all that to hell by wearing of all things… a crop top.
Well, I make no apologies for not living up to the toxicity of his racist and macho b.s. sexpectations of me. Expectations that proved foolish later on in the night.
You see, as I stated in some previous articles, my attention is focused solely on my partner. In addition to that however, my brain naturally multi-tasks. Especially when I am not in my own home. Such as how later that same night, I found a worthwhile playmate. One I was topping doggy-style while wearing my crop-top. I’m also a bit of an empath. So I could feel in addition to the voyeurs that there was someone who I connected to on some level focused on me. Refusing to allow the beauty of my playmate’s ass leaving my direct view, my peripheral vision saw it was that guy that checking me out earlier. That side glance saw him have this most “How is this possible???” look on his face.
A look to which I wanted to respond, “Yes, I’m a male. And yes, I wear crop-tops. But I am also a gay/bi man with a dick. A dick that likes to go in a hungry hole of a hot guy here and there. So be open-minded enough to see that as a possibility in your mind, or you will be deemed as not being man enough for me.”
In the end, this article is not all about crop-tops. Crop-tops is just a means to address the idiotic perceptions many of us members of the gay male community wrongfully put on one another. Be it because of skin color, ethnicity, age, or even clothing. The problem comes because many of us leave little room in those prejudices to have them undone. We as a community must do better. Or else such close-mindedness will have the lonely old man many of you have mocked in the gay bars… will you in the near future.
LeNair Xavier can be found frequently at the Cock, and at various other exhibitionist-friendly venues. He can be followed on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram. He guest blogs occasionally for Kiroo.com.